ALPINE IS THE BEST, AND THAT'S A FACT
...and any other opinion is WRONG!!! WRONG WRONG WRONG
Well, in actuality, Alpine is pretty mid. It doesn't compare to shit like Red Bull and McLaren and whatever the fuck, BUT WHO CARES? It's French, the drivers are French, and French people are SUPERIOR, AND tripod PIERRE AND ESTEBAN ARE CHARMING. WAH WAH WAH!
I'm going to talk about F1 drivers here, so please, allow me to share my OOOOO, WISDOM with you.
Update 2024-02-29
holy shit I watched the practice and the Alpine car isn't even MID anymore. IT'S LEGIT THE WORST FUCKING CAR ON THE GRID. It's worse than Haas. HAAS!!! Ignore EVERYTHING I SAID.
Not the stuff about Pierre and Esteban though, I still love em ♥
Update 2024-06-08
I have seen the way Esteban has been treated these past two weeks. That was some BULLshit. GOOD FOR HIM FOR LEAVING THAT SHIT FUCKING TEAM
BOO! Did I scare you? Don't worry, Pierre scares me too sometimes. You might be wondering why I am using this specific image. Well, apparently people mistake him/think he looks like a model, even with those huge, burnt-looking nipples. That's right. I discovered that today when I was looking for a picture (for a friend) and one of the things that came up on Google was "pierre gasly model". Huh.
Let me tell you something. Why do you think people in Normandy have bright eyes and dirty-blonde hair when a vast majority of French people usually have dark hair and darkish eyes?
Right before the 9th century, (790s) Vikings invaded northern France, and what is now Normandy. Later during the 9th century they settled in Normandy, and in the year 911 they had established the Duchy of Normandy. The name "Normandy" derives from the word "Northmen", a word to describe Nordic/Scandinavian people. Because the Vikings settled there, their genetics have been passed on, resulting in people being born with bright hair and eyes.
How do ya like your "French" driver now, huh? Aw, I'm just kidding. Look at him, he's gorgeous!
P.S. Sorry we invaded you, Normandy. ily.
There's a lot of things that rhyme with "Estie". Estie "Bestie," "Zesty" Estie, Estie's "Test... Uhh, let's not finish that last one.
Look at this jolly gay fellow. Gay as in happy, I mean. Every picture he is in, he is SMILING. Why does he SMILE so much? He should stop smiling so damn much, because I don't like seeing others happy when I'M NOT.
Esteban and Alex are the tallest ones on the grid, which makes driving the car pretty damn difficult. Alex even BLED from his shoulder. This is why being shorter like Yuki is a HUGE advantage. When you're short, you'll fit into the car and weigh less, so it's both comfortable and fast.
Did you also know that Esteban is aware of all the "Esteban Ocon penalty" memes? He didn't seem very upset by them, but maybe his feelings were a little hurt. Poor Estie.
Esteban also works really, REALLY hard at the gym. His hands bruised a little from all the lifting and pulling he had to do. Love him or hate him, (because a lot of people find Esteban to be an easy target for bullying and shittalking) you gotta respect the grind.
P.S Estie is my favourite driver. I can't get enough of this guy. I'M SERIOUS.
YAAAAASSS!!! YAS KING!! SHORT KING!!! YAAAS!!!
...
Speaking of easy targets for bullying, this guy really gets the shit end of the stick. Why? NOBODY KNOWS! Nobody knows if it's because of Yuki being more immature in the past, if it's racially motivated, or maybe Yuki is just GOOD and they don't like that, because OHHHH ALL HAIL DANIEL RICCIARDO, LET'S ALL BOW DOWN AND SUCK HIS DICK.
Nothing against Danny. He's (not that) awesome! His fans however...
Well, regardless, this is the Yuki guy I was talking about earlier. The "SHORT KING."
Him being short isn't anything bad however, as said previously, being short is an advantage. Because of his size he slips into the car easily and weighs less, which means the car weighs less, which means that the car travels faster. Too bad that the AlphaTauri RACING BULLS car is absolute shit SLIGHTLY IMPROVED, so it doesn't make much of a difference anyway!
"MAX IS TOO GOOD," they say. "HE RUINS THE SPORT, IT'S SO BORING NOW," they say. "HE HAS NO PASSION ANYMORE, HE ALWAYS WINS. GET HIM OUT OF THE SPORT."
Have you maybe ever thought about the fact that he is just REALLY FUCKING GOOD? Dude busted his ASS to get to this point thanks to his psycho father. He is practially a real life walking anime character how hard he worked to achieve his goal. He fucking LOVES this sport. Don't you DARE say he doesn't. If he didn't, he wouldn't be number one.
And stop portraying the guy as some stonyhearted, super ultra mega serious guy. Look at the way he smiles. How can you hate him when he has a smile like that? He is wonderful, and we must protect him at all costs. He was nice (and funny) to Yuki in the monster truck video, see? See?! He is capable of kindness and care.
He's good, and for some reason, you have a problem with it. GUESS WHAT!!! Max is loved on this page. FUCK YOU.